Day 23
Pretty much an informational day today, as I had my first follow up appointment with the oncologist. He wanted to know how my body had tolerated the first chemo treatment, and answered a bunch of questions.
For the first time during this process, I feel like I know what to expect moving forward.
- Chemo every 3 weeks
- 4-7 days of feeling really crappy after each round
- 4-6 rounds of chemo, followed by 6 weeks of radiation
- Herceptin infusions for 1 year
- Hair loss, beginning in 2-3 weeks
- 5-10 years of hormone drugs after I’m done with the Herceptin
Now it’s really just a matter of settling in to this new phase of my life and taking it one day at a time.
Most of us are wired with a desire to control our environments and situations, and it’s in the times of not knowing that we’re the most uneasy. It’s one of the weird hang-ups we have as human beings; I actually have more peace in knowing that I’ll lose my hair in a few weeks, than in not knowing whether or not I’ll lose it. Weird, right?
As a Christian, it really doesn’t make sense, and it’s one of the traits I’ve been working on. The operative word here is Control. In my soul I know that every single thing under the earth and in heaven is under God’s control, not mine. When I surrender to that inner knowing, I can be OK with Not knowing. True peace, regardless of the storm.
Slowly but surely I’m getting there. Something tells me that, as I pass through this storm, I’m getting closer and closer every day. I hope that in some way this makes sense to you, and you can begin to work on releasing control over the storms that come your way.
Peace,
